Tips to Help A Loved One Heal

I’ve come across my fair share of “insensitive” folk in my life when I have been dealing with death or the loss of a relationship.  Here are my top tips and reasons for them, to assist others who are struggling with life’s inevitable losses and challenges.

Don’t tell someone who has lost anyone to “cheer up”.
Don’t tell anyone at any time when dealing with a death or in fact anything in their life that has created upset, at any time, that they are just going to have to get over it, or that they are just feeling sorry for themselves.
1. Dealing with loss is a process & the closer the person was to another the deeper the grief & adjustment to life without that other person there is, whether that be by physical death or separation.
2. People are not unintelligent enough to not know that they will get through anything they are dealing with, as there is no getting over anything, there is only getting through.
3. The later of the two is likely to create a reaction that makes the receiver of that statement, want to give the teller a right hook.
To assist anyone to get through anything you only need two things –
Your ears to listen and your arms to hug if you know the receiver is open to a hug.
Ask yourself before you open your mouth “How would I feel in this situation?”, whatever that situation is.
Often just listening is the medicine required to assist another to get through anything because as they speak they are releasing whatever is churning within them.
Also in many cases, they are clearing their own heads & in the process coming to their own solutions about what they need to do for themselves.
To jump in with “advice” when advice was not actually asked for only serves to disempower the other person & more than likely will do more damage to them as well as create more upset.
Remember you are not in anyone’s life to play Mr or Mrs Fix It.
Asking timely pondered questions is often the most helpful thing you can do, as they lead another to their own realisations. If they cry good, hand them a tissue, make them a cuppa don’t ask “What’s wrong?” For nothing is wrong they are releasing their pain.
If you are not comfortable bearing witness to another’s grief or whatever process about anything they are dealing with that is your issue, not theirs.
It is kinder to remove yourself and perhaps suggest they speak with a Counsellor than it is to open your mouth and spout unthought about comments.
Copyright: C. O’Connor, November 2018.
Image © Copyright 2015-2018 Psychological Health Care.


Over time as we have been growing up our cultural conditioning, the trauma, abuse and the energy of fear we have all endured causes us as we truly are to shut down and protect ourselves from further wounding.

Parts of us during such events fragment into the abyss of our subconscious in order that we survive. These fragmented parts create re-actions and energetic barriers with others, rather than responses, as often we behave in ways we know really isn’t us.

It is only by re-membering (bringing back into the membrane of our being – our conscious awareness and our bodies so the energy can be transformed through the physical body, for there appears to be no other way to do it but re-member/feel it) these fragmented parts of Self which split off that we were either too terrified to feel or did not want to feel the trauma, grief, sadness, pain etc., of, that we truly become whole again and realise our innate connection with all that exists.

Some refer to this as negative energy, darkness etc. but it is all part of the whole of who we truly are.

Once re-membered, felt and transformed, instead of Beings filled with holes which we self-medicate to fill, or we use others to fill the gaps with, or by putting up the barriers we do which push others away in order to protect our wounds, the core of who we all truly are comes more and more to the fore.

It is in The Dreaming where we have access to these fragmented parts of Self and as they are re-membered and felt, they also no longer create blockages of energy within our bodies which make us ill and dis-eased (not being at ease with our Selves) for what is often split off from our conscious awareness is actually stored in our bodies – we all become a bit like clogged drains which once cleared out life force energy is free to flow through us again.

The Dreaming is an altered state of consciousness that some refer to as dreams, astral travelling, conscious dreaming, Shamanic Journeying, past life regression, Spirit World, psychic ability etc., It is basically all one space/area of consciousness that we all have access to when our consciousness is not focussed in the physical body and is also experienced during meditation, in imagining and in memories of images and feelings that come to us. When we “drift” in a light “sleep” is also the space of The Dreaming and in that space all time is now. There simply is no past or future as we have been conditioned to believe there is and we do have access to both what we call past and future in this space.

We can never change the past but what I realised we can do is change the re-actions and behaviours we had in the past, not just in this life time but in past life times, so that they are no longer impacting on us, our relationships and our lives now.

By working with any dreams we experience in what we term sleep, when our consciousness comes back into the physical body, or by treating any re-active situation we have, just as we would if working with a dream we can change our re-active behaviours, heal our wounds and navigate our lives and the many processes we all go through ever so much easier.

If you would like to experience Dreaming consciously I am holding a Workshop on the 27th of September and I am also available for private sessions of Conscious Dreaming and Skype or Email assistance with getting to the bottom of what a dream really means to you.

© Cheryl O’Connor 2014.


‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

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