Tips to Help A Loved One Heal

I’ve come across my fair share of “insensitive” folk in my life when I have been dealing with death or the loss of a relationship.  Here are my top tips and reasons for them, to assist others who are struggling with life’s inevitable losses and challenges.

Don’t tell someone who has lost anyone to “cheer up”.
Don’t tell anyone at any time when dealing with a death or in fact anything in their life that has created upset, at any time, that they are just going to have to get over it, or that they are just feeling sorry for themselves.
1. Dealing with loss is a process & the closer the person was to another the deeper the grief & adjustment to life without that other person there is, whether that be by physical death or separation.
2. People are not unintelligent enough to not know that they will get through anything they are dealing with, as there is no getting over anything, there is only getting through.
3. The later of the two is likely to create a reaction that makes the receiver of that statement, want to give the teller a right hook.
To assist anyone to get through anything you only need two things –
Your ears to listen and your arms to hug if you know the receiver is open to a hug.
Ask yourself before you open your mouth “How would I feel in this situation?”, whatever that situation is.
Often just listening is the medicine required to assist another to get through anything because as they speak they are releasing whatever is churning within them.
Also in many cases, they are clearing their own heads & in the process coming to their own solutions about what they need to do for themselves.
To jump in with “advice” when advice was not actually asked for only serves to disempower the other person & more than likely will do more damage to them as well as create more upset.
Remember you are not in anyone’s life to play Mr or Mrs Fix It.
Asking timely pondered questions is often the most helpful thing you can do, as they lead another to their own realisations. If they cry good, hand them a tissue, make them a cuppa don’t ask “What’s wrong?” For nothing is wrong they are releasing their pain.
If you are not comfortable bearing witness to another’s grief or whatever process about anything they are dealing with that is your issue, not theirs.
It is kinder to remove yourself and perhaps suggest they speak with a Counsellor than it is to open your mouth and spout unthought about comments.
Copyright: C. O’Connor, November 2018.
Image © Copyright 2015-2018 Psychological Health Care.


Many of us no doubt wish there was “something” we could do to change much in this world which we see “society” as being responsible for, yet the reality is we are “society”.  Many of us may feel that there really is nothing as individuals we can do other than to wish that change would occur and that humanity as a whole would become more peaceful, compassionate, understanding, respectful and caring individuals when it comes to some of the behaviour we witness occurring courtesy of the media, in our daily lives and via some social media towards others, towards animals and towards the planet we all share.

We come to realise that the only thing we can every truly change is ourselves.  As we change ourselves, so too do we change the world around us, for the changes in ourselves ripple out and touch all we come in contact with.  It can however often be a slow, tiring and painful process to want change to occur all over the world and to still witness behaviour that has been happening on this planet for eons due to greed, blame, resentment, control, power over and manipulation along with a mentality of it’s not impacting on me and my life so what do I care and what really can I do about all of it anyway?

Yet many of us KNOW it really doesn’t have to be this way.  Many of us also want to change ourselves and our re-actions, behaviour, habits etc., but have no idea where we find the resources we need to assist us to do this. For over two decades now I have been putting what I do “out there” and it has been only in more recent times that I have had a Facebook page to do that from.  I don’t have the massive amount of likes at my page some folk have but I have witnessed an increase of over 1,200 “likes” in perhaps 8 months due to the networking I have been doing there and the groups I have become involved with. One such group is The Wellness Universe.

There is no competition in this group, there are no politics, there is only beautiful collaboration, a heartfelt desire and a Soul purpose to live the truth of what we love to do and to assist in bringing change for the better into the lives of those our messages reach, into this world.  There is in this group also only a desire to help each other with information, resources, networking opportunities, sharing and support  and well… finding this group of folk on Facebook for me was like finding my tribe at an oasis after a very long dry, dusty and tiring trek through the desert on my own. For the past twelve months behind the scenes at Facebook, as admins of this group, three very special women Anna Pereira, Sheila Burke and Shari Alyse have been working solidly, assisted by others also, to bring together a World First Website Directory that will showcase the best of the best Facebook Wellness pages (based on certain criteria that is needing to be met).

The impetus for this Directory is that Facebook is pretty much a case of not knowing who is using that platform and what is actually available to you unless you just happen to stumble upon it. My page Cheoco Enterprises,  along with many other pages has been selected as a Top Resource for The Wellness Universe Website Directory which these amazing women have been creating and which you can find here It is a Directory of Resources to Expand Your Well-Being and this Friday 23 January at 11.11am (New York time – which is 2.11am here in Brisbane on Saturday 24 January) sees the SITE GOING LIVE! The birthing of this baby being ushered into the world by these very special ladies who have poured endless time, effort, energy and their own funds into during the past 12 months has been in order to provide you  with a Facebook Directory that will showcase the best of the best Wellness Facebook pages by a huge variety of admins, all of whom are movers and shakers and whose Soul purpose it is to assist in creating a better world for all.

As one person no there isn’t a lot many of us can do to help change the whole world but as this group has proven change begins with us as individuals and when we all come together and work together the most powerful, beautiful and amazing changes in the world can and do happen. Personally I have been flat out like a lizard drinking behind the scenes just trying to keep up with it all as these women are a combined powerhouse of ideas, talent, joy, excitement, passion and they are doers.  Which yes is right up my alley 🙂

So please do join us at for the launch where you truly will find resources you may never even know existed because the change in this world so many of us would like to see begins within each. From me, here in Queensland, Australia I sign off with a massively huge round of applause and much gratitude in my heart for these 3 women, for achieving such a mammoth task which  was organised so efficiently, ethically, methodically and with such joy, love, enthusiasm and passion for humanity and the beautiful world we all share.

Cheers, Cheryl. Copyright – C. O’Connor 2014. •*´☾☆☽`*• #Cheryl O’Connor. #Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer. * Cognitive & Body Based Counselling. * Creative & Artistic Therapies. * Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying. * #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements. * #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe –
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