Is “Constructive Criticism” really Constructive ?

One of the most common human behaviours I am privy to not only where others are concerned but within myself over the years and still even now it slips in at times despite my best conscious efforts not to go there, is that of being critical.

It’s SO easy to be critical because that is our conditioning. It astounds me that we actually have an economic industry of “critics” who get paid to go and see, listen to, or experience others creative endeavours and “critique” them which they then feel it necessary to publish. If the creative persons interpretation of something they have gone to experience isn’t in line with the critics perception – too bad so sad they receive a “bad” review that ripples out to others and has a domino effect which can limit severely the amount of folk who go and see or experience it for themselves and decide whether they enjoy it or not, based purely on what someone else says. It is also often the case that many who are standing in the wings and not even involving themselves in something or aren’t even aware of what is REALLY going on, on the stage, take it upon themselves to be critical of what the ones on the stage are doing, in all areas of life. Yet we all perceive and do things differently.

Just watch any group of people for e.g. in an art class – all can be looking at the same tree which they are to paint and yet every single painting each creates will be totally different not only to the tree given as an example, but to each others trees. How truly miraculous is that?! Yet so often in so many situations another will say no that’s not how you do it, you “NEED” to do it this way. How so and who says so?

Everything we do is an act of unique creation so how can it be that we have fallen into this trap of being so critical and judgmental? We seem to live in a society that is full of competition and judgement which starts not long after birth. It’s rampant in our schools, in politics, in sports, in workplaces, it’s persistent in those “Women’s” magazines where celebrities are criticised for just about everything from wearing a pair of track pants out to the local shop to having their hair done a certain way. In more recent times on television screens and other media it is also rampant by way of “reality” shows where folk compete against each other to reach a temporary status of “winner” and being labelled “the best”. The label being given to them by “judges” who are really only just sharing their perception of another’s “performance” in a given moment. Yet that perception in that moment of being “judged” can absolutely crush another’s dream and devastate the person who isn’t given the label of “the winner.”

It’s so often the case that if folk don’t do things the way we think they should be done or how we ourselves would do them rarely do we stop to ask questions. Instead, out of our heads and mouths, usually automatically, will come all sorts of “stuff” that is judgmental and critical which perhaps whilst not consciously meaning to do harm, does – just like the critic who published their opinion.

This has been disguised to make it more palatable in recent times by being labelled “constructive criticism”. I personally don’t understand how any criticism is “constructive” – giving and receiving honest and respectful feedback however is a totally different ball game. Words float around all the time about not judging others, about “loving” and accepting yourself and others as they are and hey if those others are rattling your cage with a big stick no worries just shrug it off and walk away – not always that easy though is it?

Phrases have long been within the minds of humanity along the lines of – Don’t judge another lest you be judged; Don’t be so busy pulling the splinter out of someone else’s eye that you can’t see the lump of wood in your own; People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones; Let he who is without sin cast the first stone; He who points a finger at another will find three pointing back at him, and on it goes.

When people bring forth their best endeavours, ideas and passions to create a more peaceful, love filled, tolerant and respectful world for all, they have often landed up being persecuted, imprisoned, harshly criticised or dead for their efforts for what they are doing or saying. Why? Have we all really become so arrogant as to think that there is only one way to see or do something, our way? Further down the track when it is often way too late, others begin to see what the person was doing and saying with more clarity and then those who were working solidly to create change are treated as heroes, legends or saints.

Sadly they are often no longer even alive by the time the rest of society catches up. It’s often the case that a person or people with “vision” will see much that others clearly do not yet see and due to their passion to manifest that “vision” they run with it whole heartedly, only to be continually met by others trying to pick to pieces what they are doing. What exactly does that achieve I wonder, besides perhaps maybe making the picker feel good about themselves in some bizarre way, like they are “better” than the one who has gotten off their butt, stopped whinging about a situation, and is actually doing something to change that situation for the better, not just for themselves but more importantly for others.

On the flipside to this we have all this information and push occurring about not bullying, teamwork, collaboration etc., and yet many of the so-called political “leaders” in this world are still coming out of the mental and emotional framework of Ego, criticism, one upmanship, bullying tactics, abuse and judgement even though we are given examples time and time again of what actually happens when we ALL work together to achieve something. Is that I wonder part of the reason why “natural disasters” occur, so that we can more consciously become aware of the part of our nature that is supportive, kind, empathetic, loving and compassionate? Collaboration NOT competition will get us ALL wherever we are wanting to go way faster than if we spend our time and energy constantly being judgemental and critical of what others in this world are doing and bickering amongst ourselves about whatever.

Someone close to me has a beautiful expression they often use which I love – The world would be a better place if everyone minded their own business. This person does not mean that we should not care about each other or support each other, they mean that each and every person (unless they are incapacitated in some way) is fully capable of doing whatever it is they need to do for themselves and that we would all live in a better world if we were ALL working together and supporting each other, not wasting our precious time and lives in these temporary physical bodies, trying to tear others down whilst our Egos climb whatever ladder to success they decide to climb, ripping people off or ripping them to shreds, gossiping, judging, undermining and criticising them, telling them they are “wrong” or giving them “advice” when it hasn’t even been asked for.

This person is also referring to those situations where we are doing something and another comes along and takes over because in the other’s eyes we are not doing “it” right. They are of the opinion that this unintentionally diminishes the person who was doing it their own way and shows disrespect. Quite simply humanity has created the present mess in this world, no-one else, and no-one is coming to “save” us, or the planet. The Politicians don’t give a hoot for they cannot see what many of us can clearly see and we are ALL simply just going to have to pull our big girl and boy knickers up clear out our own muck and heal our wounds, so we stop projecting it all onto others if we want anything at all to change.

The time of separation – of you, me, us, them, right, wrong, greed, slavery to jobs that just create nothing but stress and sickness to all life on this planet is coming to an end. Honestly can you actually even begin to imagine how much more we would ALL achieve in this world if the amount of time, money and energy we spent on sticking our noses into other folks business, being critical and judgemental, bickering or gossiping about this, that and the other was actually spent on creating the type of world we not only want to live in but pass on to our children and grandchildren?

It has always been said that our children are our future and whilst I was a child I really didn’t have a say in the future I would be living in. I was often told by my Grandfather though you can achieve anything you want to in this world and so far all I have set out to achieve I have accomplished but there is still more, so much more I want to achieve. Now that I am living in the future I was told about as a child, as a mature aged woman, it is not at all the future I envisioned it could be but I can have a say now and I am so very passionate and driven about doing everything in my power, by collaborating, not competing with others, via The Wellness Universe, other initiatives and with folk who are near and dear to me, to assist in creating the future I did envision as a child that I want to pass on to my children and grandchildren. A world where there is full collaboration, peace, love, understanding, respect for all life, compassion, gratitude, joy, beauty and creative vision and as John Lennon once said, “You may say I’m a Dreamer but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will BE as one”.

I may never get to see a world like the one I envision but that doesn’t mean for a second I can’t and won’t do whatever I can to help create it. We are ALL in this world together regardless of our social status, gender, sexual preferences, financial situation, religion or religious beliefs, varying skin colours, ages etc., It doesn’t matter diddly squat what job we do that we label with a name or how well known or not known we are in the world, and for the sake of all the children, grandchildren and generations yet to come into this world, I truly do hope and yes I even pray (even though I am not for once second “religious”) that we ALL start spending way more time collaborating and supporting each other to create a better world than the one we have been left with by those who came before us, than we have been and often do spend criticising and judging each other.
Cheers, C.

Copyright. C. O’Connor.

Grab your free copy of my Dreamwork Booklet at when you sign up for my monthly Newsletter.


#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis #Meditation.

Website @

My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available –

Online Shop:

Proud member of The Wellness Universe: #WUVIP

Image credit: Pixabay.


We all come with abundant courage, trust and love into this world. We trust all our needs will be taken care of and as a very young child privileged to grow up in what folk call “the modern/civilised world” we do not worry where the next meal will come from. Clothes are given to us as is food, we have beds to sleep in and rooves over our heads and really we want for nothing, quite content to, in my day, go outside and play, weather permitting and imagine all sorts of things whilst having grand adventures in nature. So where does all that trust, courage and love go to as we get older?

From my perception it gets shut down by a blanket of fear based conditioning. Tiny piece by tiny piece it starts to be smothered by statements the adults in our lives make of “Don’t you fall from there”, “You be careful you don’t choke on that”, “You’ll break your arm if you climb that tree”, “Don’t run with scissors, you’ll injure yourself”, “Don’t play with that knife you will cut yourself”, “Don’t speak to ANYONE you don’t know already,” “Don’t you behave like that”, “Don’t be so noisy”, and on and on it goes with the don’t, don’t, don’t – when do we ever hear do, be, trust yourself, you can do that, you are strong, smart, caring, helpful ?

When do we hear you are beautiful, you are capable, all you need lays within yourself? When in the midst of an emotional release does a parent just allow that release to occur without trying to control the behaviour or telling the child to stop crying and use their words? How can anyone speak when they are in the midst of releasing emotional energy like grief, frustration or anger particularly if they have been brought up with being told they are stupid or a sook for expressing themselves or have had their self- expression squashed in other ways?

Constantly we are shut down from doing and from being who we truly are until like sheep we just become one of the herd baaing constantly with our complaints of this or that or verbally attacking or defending, or gossiping about others, making judgements and accusations, giving advice we were not asked to give, seeking outside ourselves for what we think we need.

That is NOT living, that is merely existing. We become so numb and non-present in our bodies we are like the walking dead, literally, because life becomes so boring.    Heaven forbid we should express joy or laughter in quiet spaces like lifts or whilst hemmed into office cubicles or at functions where we have to remain “dignified” and silent.

I recall once one of my children being ever so embarrassed whilst out simply because I was listening to and feeling the music of some drummers and my body started moving to the beat of the drumming. How is that we have created a culture where we are embarrassed by Self-expression with something as beautiful as appreciating another’s musical ability and moving with the flow of that music?

How often do we hear – “Leave your personal stuff at home, don’t let it impact on your productivity here at work” or the reverse “Leave your work at work”. Since when is it truly possible for any human being to just flick a switch within themselves and turn off like a machine from what is going on in their life be it at home or at work just because some man made device with numbers on it says it is time to?

In order to cope with it all we land up self-medicating, hanging out for that drink at the end of the day or that cigarette on our break, both of which we then become addicted to, or worse we take other substances to “make” us feel better which then create more problems for us, or we become ill and dis-eased simply because our Soul has become so bored with it all. Just watch commuters on a train who day in day out, do the same thing over and over again, they become like robots just going through the motions.   So many folk just hang in there for the weekend or for a holiday to escape it all and then their thinking is, shame that’s over now I have to go back to reality and the grind of it all.  That grind of it all IS your life.

How many folk are SO relieved when Friday hits – many it would seem for it is not uncommon to see or hear these days TGIF or when Wednesday hits it is commonly known now as hump day as we are all on the downhill run to two days where we can do what we actually want to do with our lives, how sad.    And seriously, what a WASTE of a life!

We are not here to be machines, to just constantly produce and make money to buy things or make other folk rich, none of which we can take with us anyway which some poor sod only has to sort out, distribute or sell or even worse still have arguments with remaining family members about it all, when we leave our physical bodies. So many of us have been brought up with the ethos of you have to study hard, do well at school, get a good job, get married, have children, get yourself into debt with a mortgage to own your own home, buy that flash car or whatever, which then ties you to that job you hate even more because that is, according to our fear based conditioning the best way for you to be successful in life. In the meantime you miss out on precious time with family and with yourself and then by the time you are “allowed” to retire you are, generally speaking, too old or too ill to actually enjoy any of it.

If you don’t have a job for whatever reason you are considered to be a bludger and if you fall outside the box regarding any of those things it is deemed there is something wrong with you by many. So much fear based rubbish is fed to us from such a young age it’s no wonder we are not all puking it back up on the side walk as in a robotic like trance we exist and fool ourselves into thinking this is how life just is. We even treat each other often like a commodity or a possession – you give me this and I’ll give you that, or you “can’t” do this or that, or even worse still as I recently heard on the radio, some young woman had separated from her partner and the news reader’s comment was …… and bla de bla is back on the market again….., referring to her like she was just some piece of meat for sale, I wasn’t aware we had markets for women these days in this culture.

I also recall once when I was ill from having pulled several weeks of 19 hour days, without proper lunch breaks or having the energy to eat of an evening when I finally got home, an offer to walk me to the doctor as I didn’t know where it was, during which walk, when I said thank you I heard returned “Well I have to look after my investment”. I was shocked, is that all I was – an investment?   That prompted me to start thinking well perhaps it is truly time I started to more fully invest in myself.  So blessings to he who said that and thank you.

Life is truly not about ANY of this fear based bollocks and constant robotic production/consumerism. Life is an abundant ever flowing creation and whatever we need will manifest, just as it did when we were children. How many times have doors been closed in your face only for new ones to open?   How many times have really cruddy things happened that a bit later further down the track you can see the blessings in? We came into this life to create, for we are all creators and we are all the manifestation of Creation itself, with our thoughts, actions and words, we are not here to create a living hell for each other or the planet and bleat like sheep being pushed through a corral at shearing time. To become so desensitised to the atrocities in this world which humans inflict upon life on this planet that we just turn a blind eye to them or we do not get angry or sad about them.

How many people do you know who are actually in touch with their own passions, gifts, talents, skills and belief in themselves to such an extent that they know exactly what their purpose is in life, what they are here to do and who actually have the courage to break free of the boxes and just do it? What stops most folk from swimming the depths within themselves and pulling up the abundant treasures they contain which will enable them to do that which they love to do, not that which they feel they have to do? Fear, pure and simple.

Fear based conditioning that has been spoon fed to us since we were in diapers. We fear our pain, we fear the unknown, we fear the dark, we fear the light, we fear change, we fear not having a “job”, we fear life, we fear not having a home, we fear not having an income, we fear not being loved, we fear doing the Self work that would eliminate all the fear and all the pain and all the suffering. We fear death, we fear rejection, we fear loss, we fear illness, we even fear fear. Many miss their departed loved ones and yet become fear full should those loved ones make their presence known.

My goodness is there much in this world that we don’t fear given all we have been told and taken on as beliefs? Our heads are often terrified with whatever they conjure up and yet rarely do the fears we create in our own heads ever become a physical reality. At the end of the day in each and every single moment of life and even in death we are all absolutely fine.

Death is not something to fear, it is merely a transition from one state of being to another, just because we may not have a body any longer does not mean we do not exist. Personally I reckon once you move through your fear of death there really is nothing left to fear but by jingoes our fear based conditioning has a LOT to answer for because NONE of it is actually how life truly is and can be for ever so many of us. I saw a post a while ago on Facebook which I believe said something like:

F alse

E vidence

A ppearing

R eal ………   and that is precisely what fear is, an energy that squashes and conforms and stifles ever so much joy, love, peace, wisdom, self-confidence, self-expression and trust in this world.

If it is time you threw your fear blanket off, or started to remove it piece by piece, just as it was created for you to wear, untangling all the strands of it that have been woven around you so you can start to truly live your life as it was intended you live it with love, joy, abundance, excitement and passion – I have in my tool kit a pair of scissors I can loan you and many different ways in which I can assist you to untangle it.

Cheers, C.

Copyright – C. O’Connor 2015.


#Cheryl O’Connor.

#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.

* Creative & Artistic Therapies.

* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.

* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.

* #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe – #‎WUVIP

Newsletter Subscription @ – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 33 awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available –


Hello everyone, firstly I just want to say a big THANK YOU to all who are following here at WordPress.  Thank you all for your comments, re-blogs etc. ALL gratefully appreciated.

The facebook page Cheoco Enterprises turned two yesterday SO I am celebrating by giving you a chance to win some gifts.

Just go to the page and like the pinned poster by my Friday 5pm on the 6th of February and all who do will go into three draws:-

1. A copy of The Promise.
2. A Distance Healing Session.
3. A Skype, Email or Phone Dream Analysis Session.

Distance Healing Session and Dream Analysis Gift need to be utilised by 20 February.

I am also offering half price sessions for all online services this month and you will find more details about that at the facebook page.  I will be celebrating for the whole of February and I have more giveaways up my sleeve to share with you all. 

Just my way of thanking you for your support over all online platforms.

Thank you and have a wonder full day.

Cheers, Cheryl.


#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* #Cognitive & Body Based #Counselling.
* #Creative & #Artistic #Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis, #Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki #Seichim Treatments & #Attunements.
* #Isis #Meditation.

Proud Member of The Wellness Universe

Newsletter Subscription @ – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @

My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available –


We often give thanks to those who have been kind, loving, and supportive and who have helped us when we have needed help. It is the most natural thing for us to be and to feel in such circumstances.

For myself and I don’t doubt others, there have been many in my life who have been there to help me pick up the pieces when the shit has literally hit the fan.

So many people I have met along the way whose nature it is to help others. These types of people warm our hearts and restore our faith in the good we know exists in humanity and we have every reason to be grateful for their presence in our lives and in the world.

For all the wonderful people I have shared parts of my journey with there have been just as many people who caused me pain, tore me down, abused me, hit me, yelled at me, hassled me, bullied me, made me ill, made me feel small, scared me, broke my heart, ignored me, told me I wasn’t good enough, told me I was wrong, stupid, pathetic, crazy, an idiot, criticised me, gossiped about me, broke my heart, caused me trauma and distress, caused things I had spent a huge amount of time, effort and energy creating to be destroyed and bla bla bla.

Many in this world seem to think that success is about having “things”, the more they have the happier they think they will be. Many see success in terms of how much money one accumulates or how high up the corporate ladder they climb or even how well known they become. Success in this world is often portrayed as being linked with money – the more you have the more successful you are.

Personally I don’t see any of that and never have done for I see success as being the ability to feel just as much love and gratitude for those who have treated us badly as we have for those who have, without a second thought, gone out of their way to assist us whenever we have needed whatever we have needed.

For it seems to me it is a combination of both types of people who show us what we truly need to know about ourselves, who give us strength, teach us love and forgiveness and who help us become our full potential.

When we feel total love and gratitude for all that has been, is and is yet to be, and can truly see the gifts of love given by those who we feel have treated us badly – we have peace and well personally I don’t know of any greater success than that.

Cheers, Cheryl.
Copyright. C. O’Connor 2014.


‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available –

Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99

Image: Valerie Sjodin