Is “Constructive Criticism” really Constructive ?

One of the most common human behaviours I am privy to not only where others are concerned but within myself over the years and still even now it slips in at times despite my best conscious efforts not to go there, is that of being critical.

It’s SO easy to be critical because that is our conditioning. It astounds me that we actually have an economic industry of “critics” who get paid to go and see, listen to, or experience others creative endeavours and “critique” them which they then feel it necessary to publish. If the creative persons interpretation of something they have gone to experience isn’t in line with the critics perception – too bad so sad they receive a “bad” review that ripples out to others and has a domino effect which can limit severely the amount of folk who go and see or experience it for themselves and decide whether they enjoy it or not, based purely on what someone else says. It is also often the case that many who are standing in the wings and not even involving themselves in something or aren’t even aware of what is REALLY going on, on the stage, take it upon themselves to be critical of what the ones on the stage are doing, in all areas of life. Yet we all perceive and do things differently.

Just watch any group of people for e.g. in an art class – all can be looking at the same tree which they are to paint and yet every single painting each creates will be totally different not only to the tree given as an example, but to each others trees. How truly miraculous is that?! Yet so often in so many situations another will say no that’s not how you do it, you “NEED” to do it this way. How so and who says so?

Everything we do is an act of unique creation so how can it be that we have fallen into this trap of being so critical and judgmental? We seem to live in a society that is full of competition and judgement which starts not long after birth. It’s rampant in our schools, in politics, in sports, in workplaces, it’s persistent in those “Women’s” magazines where celebrities are criticised for just about everything from wearing a pair of track pants out to the local shop to having their hair done a certain way. In more recent times on television screens and other media it is also rampant by way of “reality” shows where folk compete against each other to reach a temporary status of “winner” and being labelled “the best”. The label being given to them by “judges” who are really only just sharing their perception of another’s “performance” in a given moment. Yet that perception in that moment of being “judged” can absolutely crush another’s dream and devastate the person who isn’t given the label of “the winner.”

It’s so often the case that if folk don’t do things the way we think they should be done or how we ourselves would do them rarely do we stop to ask questions. Instead, out of our heads and mouths, usually automatically, will come all sorts of “stuff” that is judgmental and critical which perhaps whilst not consciously meaning to do harm, does – just like the critic who published their opinion.

This has been disguised to make it more palatable in recent times by being labelled “constructive criticism”. I personally don’t understand how any criticism is “constructive” – giving and receiving honest and respectful feedback however is a totally different ball game. Words float around all the time about not judging others, about “loving” and accepting yourself and others as they are and hey if those others are rattling your cage with a big stick no worries just shrug it off and walk away – not always that easy though is it?

Phrases have long been within the minds of humanity along the lines of – Don’t judge another lest you be judged; Don’t be so busy pulling the splinter out of someone else’s eye that you can’t see the lump of wood in your own; People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones; Let he who is without sin cast the first stone; He who points a finger at another will find three pointing back at him, and on it goes.

When people bring forth their best endeavours, ideas and passions to create a more peaceful, love filled, tolerant and respectful world for all, they have often landed up being persecuted, imprisoned, harshly criticised or dead for their efforts for what they are doing or saying. Why? Have we all really become so arrogant as to think that there is only one way to see or do something, our way? Further down the track when it is often way too late, others begin to see what the person was doing and saying with more clarity and then those who were working solidly to create change are treated as heroes, legends or saints.

Sadly they are often no longer even alive by the time the rest of society catches up. It’s often the case that a person or people with “vision” will see much that others clearly do not yet see and due to their passion to manifest that “vision” they run with it whole heartedly, only to be continually met by others trying to pick to pieces what they are doing. What exactly does that achieve I wonder, besides perhaps maybe making the picker feel good about themselves in some bizarre way, like they are “better” than the one who has gotten off their butt, stopped whinging about a situation, and is actually doing something to change that situation for the better, not just for themselves but more importantly for others.

On the flipside to this we have all this information and push occurring about not bullying, teamwork, collaboration etc., and yet many of the so-called political “leaders” in this world are still coming out of the mental and emotional framework of Ego, criticism, one upmanship, bullying tactics, abuse and judgement even though we are given examples time and time again of what actually happens when we ALL work together to achieve something. Is that I wonder part of the reason why “natural disasters” occur, so that we can more consciously become aware of the part of our nature that is supportive, kind, empathetic, loving and compassionate? Collaboration NOT competition will get us ALL wherever we are wanting to go way faster than if we spend our time and energy constantly being judgemental and critical of what others in this world are doing and bickering amongst ourselves about whatever.

Someone close to me has a beautiful expression they often use which I love – The world would be a better place if everyone minded their own business. This person does not mean that we should not care about each other or support each other, they mean that each and every person (unless they are incapacitated in some way) is fully capable of doing whatever it is they need to do for themselves and that we would all live in a better world if we were ALL working together and supporting each other, not wasting our precious time and lives in these temporary physical bodies, trying to tear others down whilst our Egos climb whatever ladder to success they decide to climb, ripping people off or ripping them to shreds, gossiping, judging, undermining and criticising them, telling them they are “wrong” or giving them “advice” when it hasn’t even been asked for.

This person is also referring to those situations where we are doing something and another comes along and takes over because in the other’s eyes we are not doing “it” right. They are of the opinion that this unintentionally diminishes the person who was doing it their own way and shows disrespect. Quite simply humanity has created the present mess in this world, no-one else, and no-one is coming to “save” us, or the planet. The Politicians don’t give a hoot for they cannot see what many of us can clearly see and we are ALL simply just going to have to pull our big girl and boy knickers up clear out our own muck and heal our wounds, so we stop projecting it all onto others if we want anything at all to change.

The time of separation – of you, me, us, them, right, wrong, greed, slavery to jobs that just create nothing but stress and sickness to all life on this planet is coming to an end. Honestly can you actually even begin to imagine how much more we would ALL achieve in this world if the amount of time, money and energy we spent on sticking our noses into other folks business, being critical and judgemental, bickering or gossiping about this, that and the other was actually spent on creating the type of world we not only want to live in but pass on to our children and grandchildren?

It has always been said that our children are our future and whilst I was a child I really didn’t have a say in the future I would be living in. I was often told by my Grandfather though you can achieve anything you want to in this world and so far all I have set out to achieve I have accomplished but there is still more, so much more I want to achieve. Now that I am living in the future I was told about as a child, as a mature aged woman, it is not at all the future I envisioned it could be but I can have a say now and I am so very passionate and driven about doing everything in my power, by collaborating, not competing with others, via The Wellness Universe, other initiatives and with folk who are near and dear to me, to assist in creating the future I did envision as a child that I want to pass on to my children and grandchildren. A world where there is full collaboration, peace, love, understanding, respect for all life, compassion, gratitude, joy, beauty and creative vision and as John Lennon once said, “You may say I’m a Dreamer but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will BE as one”.

I may never get to see a world like the one I envision but that doesn’t mean for a second I can’t and won’t do whatever I can to help create it. We are ALL in this world together regardless of our social status, gender, sexual preferences, financial situation, religion or religious beliefs, varying skin colours, ages etc., It doesn’t matter diddly squat what job we do that we label with a name or how well known or not known we are in the world, and for the sake of all the children, grandchildren and generations yet to come into this world, I truly do hope and yes I even pray (even though I am not for once second “religious”) that we ALL start spending way more time collaborating and supporting each other to create a better world than the one we have been left with by those who came before us, than we have been and often do spend criticising and judging each other.
Cheers, C.

Copyright. C. O’Connor.

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#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis #Meditation.

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Image credit: Pixabay.


We all come with abundant courage, trust and love into this world. We trust all our needs will be taken care of and as a very young child privileged to grow up in what folk call “the modern/civilised world” we do not worry where the next meal will come from. Clothes are given to us as is food, we have beds to sleep in and rooves over our heads and really we want for nothing, quite content to, in my day, go outside and play, weather permitting and imagine all sorts of things whilst having grand adventures in nature. So where does all that trust, courage and love go to as we get older?

From my perception it gets shut down by a blanket of fear based conditioning. Tiny piece by tiny piece it starts to be smothered by statements the adults in our lives make of “Don’t you fall from there”, “You be careful you don’t choke on that”, “You’ll break your arm if you climb that tree”, “Don’t run with scissors, you’ll injure yourself”, “Don’t play with that knife you will cut yourself”, “Don’t speak to ANYONE you don’t know already,” “Don’t you behave like that”, “Don’t be so noisy”, and on and on it goes with the don’t, don’t, don’t – when do we ever hear do, be, trust yourself, you can do that, you are strong, smart, caring, helpful ?

When do we hear you are beautiful, you are capable, all you need lays within yourself? When in the midst of an emotional release does a parent just allow that release to occur without trying to control the behaviour or telling the child to stop crying and use their words? How can anyone speak when they are in the midst of releasing emotional energy like grief, frustration or anger particularly if they have been brought up with being told they are stupid or a sook for expressing themselves or have had their self- expression squashed in other ways?

Constantly we are shut down from doing and from being who we truly are until like sheep we just become one of the herd baaing constantly with our complaints of this or that or verbally attacking or defending, or gossiping about others, making judgements and accusations, giving advice we were not asked to give, seeking outside ourselves for what we think we need.

That is NOT living, that is merely existing. We become so numb and non-present in our bodies we are like the walking dead, literally, because life becomes so boring.    Heaven forbid we should express joy or laughter in quiet spaces like lifts or whilst hemmed into office cubicles or at functions where we have to remain “dignified” and silent.

I recall once one of my children being ever so embarrassed whilst out simply because I was listening to and feeling the music of some drummers and my body started moving to the beat of the drumming. How is that we have created a culture where we are embarrassed by Self-expression with something as beautiful as appreciating another’s musical ability and moving with the flow of that music?

How often do we hear – “Leave your personal stuff at home, don’t let it impact on your productivity here at work” or the reverse “Leave your work at work”. Since when is it truly possible for any human being to just flick a switch within themselves and turn off like a machine from what is going on in their life be it at home or at work just because some man made device with numbers on it says it is time to?

In order to cope with it all we land up self-medicating, hanging out for that drink at the end of the day or that cigarette on our break, both of which we then become addicted to, or worse we take other substances to “make” us feel better which then create more problems for us, or we become ill and dis-eased simply because our Soul has become so bored with it all. Just watch commuters on a train who day in day out, do the same thing over and over again, they become like robots just going through the motions.   So many folk just hang in there for the weekend or for a holiday to escape it all and then their thinking is, shame that’s over now I have to go back to reality and the grind of it all.  That grind of it all IS your life.

How many folk are SO relieved when Friday hits – many it would seem for it is not uncommon to see or hear these days TGIF or when Wednesday hits it is commonly known now as hump day as we are all on the downhill run to two days where we can do what we actually want to do with our lives, how sad.    And seriously, what a WASTE of a life!

We are not here to be machines, to just constantly produce and make money to buy things or make other folk rich, none of which we can take with us anyway which some poor sod only has to sort out, distribute or sell or even worse still have arguments with remaining family members about it all, when we leave our physical bodies. So many of us have been brought up with the ethos of you have to study hard, do well at school, get a good job, get married, have children, get yourself into debt with a mortgage to own your own home, buy that flash car or whatever, which then ties you to that job you hate even more because that is, according to our fear based conditioning the best way for you to be successful in life. In the meantime you miss out on precious time with family and with yourself and then by the time you are “allowed” to retire you are, generally speaking, too old or too ill to actually enjoy any of it.

If you don’t have a job for whatever reason you are considered to be a bludger and if you fall outside the box regarding any of those things it is deemed there is something wrong with you by many. So much fear based rubbish is fed to us from such a young age it’s no wonder we are not all puking it back up on the side walk as in a robotic like trance we exist and fool ourselves into thinking this is how life just is. We even treat each other often like a commodity or a possession – you give me this and I’ll give you that, or you “can’t” do this or that, or even worse still as I recently heard on the radio, some young woman had separated from her partner and the news reader’s comment was …… and bla de bla is back on the market again….., referring to her like she was just some piece of meat for sale, I wasn’t aware we had markets for women these days in this culture.

I also recall once when I was ill from having pulled several weeks of 19 hour days, without proper lunch breaks or having the energy to eat of an evening when I finally got home, an offer to walk me to the doctor as I didn’t know where it was, during which walk, when I said thank you I heard returned “Well I have to look after my investment”. I was shocked, is that all I was – an investment?   That prompted me to start thinking well perhaps it is truly time I started to more fully invest in myself.  So blessings to he who said that and thank you.

Life is truly not about ANY of this fear based bollocks and constant robotic production/consumerism. Life is an abundant ever flowing creation and whatever we need will manifest, just as it did when we were children. How many times have doors been closed in your face only for new ones to open?   How many times have really cruddy things happened that a bit later further down the track you can see the blessings in? We came into this life to create, for we are all creators and we are all the manifestation of Creation itself, with our thoughts, actions and words, we are not here to create a living hell for each other or the planet and bleat like sheep being pushed through a corral at shearing time. To become so desensitised to the atrocities in this world which humans inflict upon life on this planet that we just turn a blind eye to them or we do not get angry or sad about them.

How many people do you know who are actually in touch with their own passions, gifts, talents, skills and belief in themselves to such an extent that they know exactly what their purpose is in life, what they are here to do and who actually have the courage to break free of the boxes and just do it? What stops most folk from swimming the depths within themselves and pulling up the abundant treasures they contain which will enable them to do that which they love to do, not that which they feel they have to do? Fear, pure and simple.

Fear based conditioning that has been spoon fed to us since we were in diapers. We fear our pain, we fear the unknown, we fear the dark, we fear the light, we fear change, we fear not having a “job”, we fear life, we fear not having a home, we fear not having an income, we fear not being loved, we fear doing the Self work that would eliminate all the fear and all the pain and all the suffering. We fear death, we fear rejection, we fear loss, we fear illness, we even fear fear. Many miss their departed loved ones and yet become fear full should those loved ones make their presence known.

My goodness is there much in this world that we don’t fear given all we have been told and taken on as beliefs? Our heads are often terrified with whatever they conjure up and yet rarely do the fears we create in our own heads ever become a physical reality. At the end of the day in each and every single moment of life and even in death we are all absolutely fine.

Death is not something to fear, it is merely a transition from one state of being to another, just because we may not have a body any longer does not mean we do not exist. Personally I reckon once you move through your fear of death there really is nothing left to fear but by jingoes our fear based conditioning has a LOT to answer for because NONE of it is actually how life truly is and can be for ever so many of us. I saw a post a while ago on Facebook which I believe said something like:

F alse

E vidence

A ppearing

R eal ………   and that is precisely what fear is, an energy that squashes and conforms and stifles ever so much joy, love, peace, wisdom, self-confidence, self-expression and trust in this world.

If it is time you threw your fear blanket off, or started to remove it piece by piece, just as it was created for you to wear, untangling all the strands of it that have been woven around you so you can start to truly live your life as it was intended you live it with love, joy, abundance, excitement and passion – I have in my tool kit a pair of scissors I can loan you and many different ways in which I can assist you to untangle it.

Cheers, C.

Copyright – C. O’Connor 2015.


#Cheryl O’Connor.

#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.

* Creative & Artistic Therapies.

* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.

* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.

* #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe – #‎WUVIP

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We’ve all heard that old saying one door shuts and another opens and it was very much the situation for me this past week.

The same week my contract with Earthlee Angel Therapies at Burpengary came to an end and I chose not to renew it,  I was gifted with the offer of using the space of the Signal Room which is part of the Railway Station, located in the South West corner of the Park at Old Petrie Town, North Pine Country Park, Dayboro Road, Kurwongbah by my lovely friend and family member, who has always been supportive of me and my work since the first day I walked into his Gallery in the park some 20 years ago now, Mr  Terry Saleh, Spiritual Artist and Healer of Terry Saleh Art Global Enterprises.

The Railway Station was originally North Pine Station, opened in 1888 and it served as a Cobb & Co Station and Railway Station for over a century.  It was later re-named Petrie Station after pioneer Tom Petrie.  In 1992 it was moved to the park and it was officially re-opened by The Honourable Leneen Forde AC, Governor General of Queensland at the time in 1993.

With the help of my Warrior Woman mum, in less than 24 hours over a two day period, we cleaned and transformed the inside of the building and set it up for me to start practicing in as of this Sunday.

To have a space of my own to work from and create the Steiner Based Dolls and Toys in is just the most blessed gift I could have received this coming Easter.  No longer will I need to cart boxes of materials and supplies constantly, loading and unloading my ute, or having craft materials scattered throughout my house which is where I have been making the dolls and toys from.  Absolutely chuffed, excited and delighted is the only words close to how I was feeling when I accepted Terry’s offer.   Filled with awe inspiring gratitude when I sat quietly in the space on my own yesterday also comes somewhat close to that experience.

Please note change of availability with this move starting this Easter Sunday:

Sunday:  8am to 1pm  you will find me in the Signal Room.

Monday to Wednesday: 9am to 3pm at the Signal Room or at Lawnton.

If you would like to make an appointment please send me an email at

I have a vision in my head of things I  would like to do with the space in due course but really didn’t think we could get it ready as quickly as we have done, so I am pretty darn pleased with the transformation so far.   If you are passing by or just want to come and say hi – you are most welcome to do so, have a cuppa with me and lap up the peace and beauty of this space whilst you are at it.

Cheers and for those who celebrate it – Many Blessings for your Easter too.




We all know children do not come with instructions and that we receive no prior “training” in order to become a parent yet for any other job or activity we undertake there is a period of learning before we are deemed “qualified”.   It is very much a learn as you go experience and no-one can really tell you how to do what ultimately becomes the biggest task in your life, nurturing, being responsible for, guiding and teaching another person to an age and a stage where they can and do look after themselves totally and are totally responsible for themselves and their lives.

In times gone past a tribe would be involved in the upbringing of the young ones, then we moved to large family units being involved in their raising but more and more over time we have moved to the reality of just one or perhaps two people taking on this mammoth task of raising young folk and for many who are in pursuit of obtaining adequate housing and lifestyle that is in keeping with the “societal” standard more and more parents are working full time, mostly to pay off debt they incur to live the societal lifestyle standard, whilst leaving their child in another’s care who they do not really know but who has apparently received adequate training in caring for children.

It has me a bit baffled that in order to leave a child in another’s care in day care centres those others have to undergo a lot of training, cannot turn up to work drunk, cannot be abusive emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually, and yet we parents undergo absolutely no such training, nor do we have to meet such criteria.  Our training is usually on the job, in the moment learning.

For others such as single parents it is also often the case that they simply must work in order to keep a roof over their and their children’s heads, clothes on everyone’s back, pay the bills and have food on the table.

It’s a huge task being a parent, often tiring and often stressful as we juggle work and family commitments all the time just winging it as we go.  We all do the best we can with the awareness we have at any given time and really cannot expect much more than that from ourselves, given our lack of preparedness and training for the job.

Many children, like myself, grew up in environments where alcohol abuse, used as a medicine for coping with whatever stresses were being experienced, was common.  We also grew up in an era where copping a flogging was the norm, being told not to behave in certain ways when we got angry, thereby squashing down our emotions or were projected onto by unresolved issues our parents had etc., and today much of what we grew up with would be considered child abuse.

Many of us grew up with wounds being inflicted upon us by our parents behaviour and lack of self-awareness, lack of ability to cope and in dysfunctional families, and many children still are growing up in similar environments being yelled at, put down, living with alcohol or drug addicted or abusive adults, being treated in ways that no doubt are creating wounds for them and forming patterns of behaviour which their parents are handing down to them, just as those who came before them have unconsciously done.

For myself the most mammoth task of parenting came when I would say or do things and think oohh my goodness that is not me, not really, that is my mother.  My first born was a catalyst for me to become aware of and heal many wounds that had been inflicted on me as a child and for that I will always be ever so grateful to her.  In the process though there were wounds unconsciously inflicted on her by me as I juggled full time work, often getting up at 3.30am and not getting back to bed until 9 – 10 o’clock at night.  I was not in a position for several years where I could just not work, it was a necessity to our survival and yes it was exhausting.  The only support available to me at the time was that provided by the day care centre she attended and some assistance from my own grandparents.  For myself I have been working full time 90% of the time since I was a young teenager.

I was not the type of mother who would leave my child and later children on their own and go out clubbing or pubbing.  I did not bring an endless stream of men home nor did I drink alcohol or wipe myself out on drugs.  My child/children have always lived in nice, clean, lovely homes, always been well dressed, never gone without a meal or anything they have really needed.  Luxuries have never really existed and there are many things I would have liked to have done for them or with them but just had no money or time to do those but yes good budget management has no doubt been learned along with many other necessary skills.  There has been the odd holiday here or there locally but for the most part the past 25 years of my life, being an 80% of the time solo parent, has been devoted to raising two children whilst doing all that needs doing at home as well as working mostly full time with just the odd break to that here and there.   Was I a perfect mother, far from it and I never will be.

I spent 10 years in and out of depression and on a mammoth journey to rid myself of all that was no longer serving me or making me happy, whilst going through what is known as a Spiritual Crisis.  I worked solidly on healing the wounds which had been inflicted on me by my parents –  abandonment, abuse, alcoholism and essentially I did the very best I could do given my situation and my need to be responsible for myself and my child/children, just as my parents had done before me.   It wasn’t until I stopped focussing on the self indulgent hard done by mentality and started digging into my parents stories that I uncovered the why of how they had behaved towards me.  I came to realise, with age, that no matter what a parent does for a child, teaches a child to do for themselves, no childhood is EVER going to be perfectly how we as children would like it to be.

I am 50 now, still raising one child on my own and I have two grand-daughters.  For the past two years since a work contract ended I have been working my butt off, often up to 18 hours a day, 7 days a week to study so I have the mainstream qualifications necessary to tie up in a neat bow that which I love to do whilst also establishing a business out of what I love to do, not just doing any longer what I have felt I have needed to do to survive since I walked out of home at 14.  My whole parental life has been a situation of my children are part of my life but they are not my whole entire life as I saw ever so many women whilst I was growing up who made their children their entire life and then once the children had left the nest, as children rightly do, they were lost and had no sense of identity other than being someone’s Mum.

One of the greatest gifts given to me on this journey was seeing how patterns of behaviour have been passed down through the generations and how at some point in every child’s life it is a totally necessary part of growing up and taking responsibility for themselves that they do whatever is needed to also heal the wounds their parents unconsciously inflicted on them and learn to totally stand on their own two feet.   That they cease to blame or accuse their parent/s for whatever they feel or think the parent has or hasn’t done which is not to their liking.

It is said children choose us, we do not choose them and from my experiences with my children that was very much the situation.  Children come through us, they do not belong to us.  We give them the gift of life out of love, what they ultimately do with that life is entirely up to them but there must come a point in all our lives where we stop attacking, blaming and getting our knickers in a twist because our parents didn’t or don’t do what we believe as children or even as adults they “should” do now or should have done way back when, or what we expect them to do.   We all at some stage reach the point where we simply have to start parenting ourselves.  When we love others, truly love them, we have no expectations of them.  We don’t chuck hissy fits at them, nor do we ignore them or be rude to them simply because they are not doing what we think they should be doing or what we want them to do.

Many children these days seem to expect that their parents, after they have raised them and they have children of their own should be there to constantly offer support and guidance and to look after grand-children whilst they go off and do whatever.  Guess what kiddies, many of us grandparents are tired having raised our own families and whilst many of us dearly love our grandchildren and enjoy spending time with them, we have reached an age where we also enjoy our quiet time, when we can get it.

We don’t have the energy we once had nor do we much have the tolerance for noise we used to have.  Life moves, finally, at a bit of a slower pace for us and we have learnt the hard way that having expectations of anyone is just a recipe for heartache and disappointment.   We can no longer be bothered engaging ourselves in the dramas of youth either with your relationship issues and we live very much in the moment of now for we know there truly is no guarantee of tomorrow for any of us.  We’ve learnt that whilst having goals is essential if we are to create and achieve what we would like to experience in life, it is futile making set in cement plans.  Plans rarely ever turn out how we plan and so we move more easily in the flow of life rather than constantly battling with that flow.  Our emotional life has become much more stable, we don’t suffer the highs and lows that we did like a pendulum at full pelt swinging from one extreme to another at a younger age and if things pan out according to skeletal plans made they do, if they don’t we don’t get in a fluster about any of it much anymore.

We all come here to learn and grow, not to have everyone do what we think they should do.  We come here to experience ever so much and we cannot ever expect that one person is going to be able to give us all we need.  As I have always said to my two – you have one father and mother but if you are really lucky you will meet many who will fulfil the gaps in those roles because neither I nor your father will EVER be able to give you all you need or want.

So regardless of our ages if we haven’t yet healed our parental wounds we are still acting out of them with barriers and defence mechanisms and having re-actions rather than responses towards our parents and also towards others.  We all have them, there is no escaping them but ultimately at the end of the day it is OUR responsibility to heal them, not our parent’s responsibility to do that for us, nor can we blame them for what we think or feel, nor the lessons we have chosen to come here and learn which they have so beautifully provided for us to learn by giving us the ultimate gift, the gift of life.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright C. O’Connor 2014.

Image sourced from Pixabay.



‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available –

Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99


Beautiful Child speak to me of the magic I no longer see.

Show me how to live again with joy, love and laughter

not judgement and blame.

Tell me all your stories so I may find my way

inward to the Kingdom of Heaven that in each of us does lay.

I am often asked how parents can help ease the anxiety of the intense feelings children can sometimes experience in dream state and upon waking.

There are many ways in which we can assist.  Firstly adults need to realise that DREAMS ARE REAL!  They are not just products of over-active imaginations.  If they are treated as real events by adults, and children have the freedom to express their experiences both waking and sleeping, the children learn that they are safe and they don’t have to carry around the feelings of their experience, nor do they necessarily need to have repeating dream experiences occur.

Just because us adults cannot see the monster hiding under the bed, or the “imaginary” friend, the fairies and whatever else children can see does not mean for one second that those things do not exist.  Children are far more “open” than we are and have not lost their connection like we have to Spirit.

Sometimes a dream can be too scary or horrible for children to talk about and so other ways of expression need to be looked at.  The following applies as much to adults as it does to children.

A special book in which a child can write and/or draw whatever they need to is useful.  Painting, modelling, poetry or any other creative medium can also be used.  Drama has wonderful results when the child plays out the part of the monster or whatever he/she chooses to from the dream, with adults encouraging the child to take control of the situation.

A delightful example of how this works so beautifully came to me some time ago.  I read about an innovative school teacher in Tasmania who instead of the normal “show and tell” sessions has introduced “Dream Discussion”.  She stated that she found it helpful to class morale and co-operation because the children realise that they all have similar experiences, feelings and fears.

The story that was included in this article of how effective Dream Work with children is, follows:-

A young girl had a Wolf visit her in her dreams every night, so the teacher did some role playing with this child and they discovered (with the child playing the role of the Wolf) that the only reason he came to her all the time was because she was “so easy to scare.”

The girl proceeded to draw and colour the Wolf as she had seen him in her dreams, she then screwed the drawing up, jumped up and down on it a few times, tore it to pieces and put it in the bin.

That night the Wolf came to her in a dream and he had bandages all over him.   The next night again he returned but this time he was in a wheel chair.  The third night he came on a stretcher and told her she’d won, she’d finally killed him and then he died.

I’m sure much to the little girl’s relief.

Another useful form of expression is “Dream Talk”.  I usually find that over breakfast is a good time for this whilst it is still fresh in the child’s mind.  If a child knows they can talk about their dreams and not be ridiculed they will do so frequently and usually in great detail.  Adults can then use this dream information, if they choose to, to gain a clearer insight into what is REALLY going on with the child or children in their care.

You’ll be in for many pleasant surprises, challenges and sometimes amazement if you start practising this regularly.  I have personally found in the past that my daughter’s self-esteem, sense of self and her ability to find her own solutions to life’s challenges was greatly enhanced by both of us working with her dreams.

“Enjoy your children as your teachers,

not for what you necessarily wanted to learn

but for what you needed to discover.”

Mother Teresa.

© C. O’Connor 2013.


‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available –

Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99

Image sourced from internet – creator unknown.